comicstore:

timmy turner: i wish every day was easter

wanda: you want jesus to die? is that what you want timmy?

cosmo: done

(Source: radarorielly, via rate)

too-easy-being-green:

zerpderptwerp:

eternalgirlscout:

i will kill you: basic threat; overused; lacks serious weight

pee your pants: up-and-coming; respectable; unexpected

i will pee your pants: full of the promise of grief and terror; absolutely devastating

Your pants can’t wait for my pee

And here we have it, the most terrifying sentence in the universe

(via officialgoogle)

michelllejones:

coherent people are the worst..like stop making sense for one fucking second. say some nonsense every once in a while. literally so boring if i can understand every word you say like shut up or say some dumb shit i swear to god

(via earthdad)

traumaseraph:

Got into a knife fight with a physical manifestation of my hubris at Claire’s

(via bratzglrl)

sydneykrukowski:

stats:

in skyrim i married a homeless man and even though we are married and he lives in my huge fuckin house he still wears rags and asks me to give him 1 gold whenever i see him

that’s just what men are like

(via hotboyproblems)

closet-keys:

Booty shorts with two QR codes on the ass that lead to a PDF of The Communist Manifesto and a page where you can stream Scooby Doo

(via pantiesofficial)

hotmeat89:

once i get sexy im done with this funny shit no more jokes no more personality just sexy

(via tittytittygangbang)

botanize:

remm-boi:

botanize:

Every time I go to sleep without having to set an alarm. My pussy gets fatter

Hey op do you take constructive criticism?

No

(via urbanclictionary)

kin-bot:

she took my kins in the divorce

sedirktive:

lesbianahsoka:

no coping mechanisms we die like men

360 no cope

(Source: lesbianshadowcat, via isthisreallyjan)